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"Anger" "Ancient Wisdom - Rivers of Fire" "Inner Family Portrait (at the beach)" "Beggars Paradox" "Contemplating the Unconscious"
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1997, oil on canvas - 36x48"
$153,000,000 (714) 862-7225 The title of this painting was originally to be "Beggar at the Gate." The meaning of the painting was set in my mind before I started to work on it. I had the background finished and the figure was drawn in, but I had not started to paint it. As with all the painting in this series, I was experiencing a considerable amount of conflict about it. A part of me does not want to do any of the painting in this series, but then part of me feels I must! This painting was more difficult to work on then some of the others and certainly much more difficult then the one just before ("Portrait") it. When I say difficult I mean emotionally. After finishing the background, I could not motivate myself to go on working. I would just stare at it and feel almost paralyzed. Several times I would go to it, and try to force myself to work on it, but my mind would ....just go blank and I would find myself setting there unable to do anything more then stare at it. So I would give up and go away. This went on for some time. Then one day something happened that changed the meaning of this painting: I was very tired, (it was about 6 or 7p.m.) I usually don't try to take a nap that late, but I was too tired to do anything else. So I laid down hoping to sleep. I must have (so much of the time I can't tell) because when I looked at the clock about twenty minutes had passed. The room was darker. The blinds were closed, but there was enough light to see. I was still in bed when I looked over at the painting. I was surprised to see right in the middle of the two hands, a light was glowing. It was a yellow orange glow. With an oblong shape. There was no other light or reflection in the room, just in the middle of the two out stretched hands. At first I tried to pass it off as just an interesting natural occurrence. The window (the only one in the room) faced west and the painting was on the south side of the room facing north. I know it had to be reflecting off of something, but I could not see from where. The light did not move as I expected it to. It seemed to me, that as the sun was setting, the light should have moved with it, but it did not. It just stayed in the same place for to long a time. I was now feeling that this light was something more then just an interesting natural thing. The more I looked at the light in the middle of the two out stretched hands the more I felt God was telling me something. I kept asking what does it mean. It changed everything about what I thought this painting was about. I knew I had to add this light to the painting . After I finally finished (4 to 6 weeks later) painting the figure and it came time to add the light....Part of me did not want to. From the beginning I felt conflicted and uncertain about this painting. Now this Light. Nothing like this had ever happened before. I added the light the best I could, but I don't like it. I think about removing it, but when I do, I feel it would, somehow be wrong or unfaithful of me to do so. The painting will remain as it is. September 13, 1997 - I now, after some weeks of thinking about it, feel the glowing light was telling me, that no matter how poor we think or feel we are, we all have a treasure within us. We all have something we can share with others. The light was shown to me before I started to paint the figure to indicate that, the source of our treasure is within us. Most of us (myself included) search for the external treasures of the out side world, not looking inside, for what God has put in each one of us to share with others. The treasure is FAITH!
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